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Friday, August 31, 2012

.my new business card.

no blogging for a while... and i'm not sure why.
i have so much to say and yet nothing at all.
i suppose that's the med adjustment?

i just feel... broken.

i  went to the grocery store today (side note: no freak outs in the store & it took me a normal amount of time plus just a little - major progress!!!)
ok, so i was standing there at that awkward moment where the bagger is bagging your stuff, you've put everything on the belt and the cashier wants to chat & i just could not hold a conversation.
"what are your weekend plans?"
"ummm....."
"do you have big labor day weekend plans?"
why is he so chipper?
"ummmm.... i'm... ummm.... going to be home."
"oh, going back home? sounds fun!"
"uh, no. just like my home?"
he just looked at me.
then he recovered.
"sure is hot, huh?"
"yep."
"was not as warm and now it is again."
"uh, yeah."
he stared again.
annnddddd then he recovered.
"so, you having a great day?"
"ummmm.... sure."
"me too!"
big smile on his face.

dude, i don't want to be forever labeled "PPD lady", but i wish i had a business card i could just hand to peeps that said something like:
hi. i have postpartum depression. it's hard to leave the house. it's hard to think. i'm barely functional. somedays i'm not even barely functional - i am flat out not. so, i cannot talk to you. it's not you, it's me. thanks for your understanding. 
because really, conversations with my nearest & dearest can be hard in my house. much less with a stranger at a store.

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