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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

.little light on a dark day.

today is not good.
i'm just so sad. like my heart hurts. deep sad.
thanks, depression.
feel disconnected.
i'm in a fog.
i was just thinking - i have no freaking idea how my kids got fed today.
i worked out & it just made me tired. i don't believe in endorphins. i think it's a load of crap that jane fonda & olivia newton john made up to make us get physical and buy their dvd's & songs.
that or my endorphins are on vacation with my sanity & brain.
anyway, for some reason i thought i could handle how i was feeling just fine.
um, nope.
so friend #1 swings by with her teen daughter to borrow my ice cream maker attachment for the kitchen aid mixer & 2 ice cream cookbooks.
i forgot to give her one piece of the freaking ice cream attachment. there are 4 total pieces. i checked & rechecked to make sure i put everything in the bag. she emailed me when she got home.
then friend #2 swings by to pick up maternity clothes i'm loaning to her sis-in-law.
she looks at me when she walks in & right away, "why didn't you tell me you're crashing today?"
me: "what? no, i'm fine. really. just a hard day."
meanwhile the 3 bigs are rumbling with each other, pulling on me & yelling. the little muffin has a poop explosion & is screaming at the top of her lungs.
"kel, you.need.to.call.me. you are not alone in this."
the tears come.
to have a friend who won't let me b.s. her & tells me i'm not alone - priceless in that moment.
and her 2 year old son was blowing me kisses as they left. extra bonus. i want that kid as a son-in-law one day.
even better - she called a couple hours later. asking why i hadn't called & to remind me she's there.
she blew up my email with sweet notes.
it was a little light on a dark day.

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